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An ode to pregnancy

There’s no turning back

My bump keeps on growing,

I stare in the mirror

Is it true that I’m glowing?


One minute I’m tired,

The next I feel sick

I chomp on some ginger

Which should do the trick


Where have my toes gone?

Where is my waist?

I didn’t eat the whole cake

It was just a small taste


I’ve started to waddle,

What’s that all about?

Where has my strut gone?

Where is my pout?


Oh hells bells!

My jeans have just split

How did that happen?

Last week they still fit


My bum(p) keeps on growing,

Will it ever stop?

I said to the hubby,

I’m about to go pop.


Borrow my shirt love,

You’ll be just fine.

But this my dear

Is where I must draw the line


I’m working my butt off

Growing this child

It’s not easy you know

And that’s putting it mild


Today I’ve made eyebrows

And toes and a chin

I can’t wait till we meet

Hubby says with a grin


I’m already huge,

I can’t get much bigger

‘Course you won’t,

Says my midwife with a snigger


I’d like a new dress

That makes me feel yummy

That shows off my curves

And my gorgeous new tummy


My best friend Evie said

You’ll be okay

And sent me a link



Hypno, Easi, Calm birth

You’re having a laugh

‘Epidural’ I yelp,

Forget the warm bath!


Holly Molly,

No one warned me of this

The midwife assured me

That this would be bliss


As I hold my bundle

I now see so clearly

That I’ll never love anyone

Ever so dearly…



Note: We realise that everyone’s pregnancy and birthing experiences are completely unique and the exaggerations in this poem for comedic purposes only. It’s not meant to offend or insult anyone.

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